What Fifty Shades Of Grey Teaches You About Relationships

greySo I just finished watching Fifty Shades of Grey (I know I’m late) and I noted some interesting things in that movie.

This movie basically sums up the relationships we all have…

The flogging…

The whipping…

The cuffs…


How does any of that relate to our relationships?

Oh…but it does…

Let me walk you through it.

First we have Christian Grey, 27 year old Billionaire who claims to understand “what motivates people, what incentivises them” and has the pent up libido of a horse.

Then there’s conservative 21 year old Anastasia Steele, an English major in her last year of college. Probably your future librarian.

Two completely different worlds colliding and both sides trying to make it work.


Christian Grey – What are you doing??

For a billionaire who understands what motivates people you sure are going about it the wrong way. Business 101 says you should be looking for people who are looking for you. Translation, find people of similar interests instead of trying to change them.


Maybe it’s his pent up libido doing all the thinking.

The reality is that one is trying to change the other in the movie. Grey with his devious and controlling ways trying to put her into eternal shackles… and Miss Steele trying to turn Grey into a cuddle buddy.


Back to my point on how all this relates to the relationships most of us have.

I’ve come across a lot of scenarios where my friends were simply dating the wrong person.

Maybe they didn’t like the friends their partner always hung out with, or how one was a bit too flirty with the opposite gender, maybe one was too abrasive. Most times it has something to do with personality. They just weren’t made for each other, it’s a compatibility issue. Yet one of them, or sometimes both strongly believed they could change the other.

It reminds me of a few words of wisdom an older friend imparted onto me. She said “People don’t change Shaf, you can’t change them. They can only change for themselves.”

At first I thought it was completely pessimistic and a wrong view. But then I started to observe people in long-term relationships and you find that people who are not compatible will change for the other person. This generally lasts for a few years, and then they revert back to who they were before – often in secrecy.

It’s a relapse.

Why does it happen? Personally I think it’s because people are changing their internal qualities for external reasons. That reason being the partner.

It doesn’t make sense to change the way you’re wired just because another person wants it. Personal change generally comes from reasoning and changes that make sense for ourselves.

That old way of looking at things “They will change if they love you” is a load of baloney.

I think just one or two generations ago people didn’t have choice but to get a long with their mate. If things didn’t work out you’d end up lonely for quite some time; where as today if you live in a city there’s so many people that you’re bound to find better compatibility.

In Christian Grey’s case, I’m surprised he couldn’t find anyone else in Seattle.

Not that I would know…

I could understand Miss Steele’s predicament better because it’s not every day that you meet a young billionaire, so she had reasons to try.

In any case, Christian Grey was doing it all wrong.

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