‘Who am I?’ that is a question I seem to hear more often in my life. Being a young adult who just started in post-secondary education I ask that question all the time, and when I pay attention to those around me I can hear and see they too are trying to find their own true unique identity.
When I think about my future I see myself being successful, and having fun in a career where I can help people and change their lives. I want a big house and a big family (Pets included!). Despite having big dreams my self-identity keeps holds me back.
I sometimes see myself as useless and dumb. School has and still is hard for me so I immediately take the negative from my experiences and look down on myself. ‘Why can’t I be as smart as my friend?’ ‘Why is it so hard for me?’ ‘Maybe I shouldn’t be taking this course?’ With questions like these I would put myself down everyday, and on top of it I never had the best self-image about myself either.
With all these doubts and concerns I started to lose who I am, who I want to be. ‘I’m not pretty, smart or confident. What’s left for me?’ This is the attitude that lead me into a hole, a hole I’m trying to come out of now.
Throughout the years of my childhood to now being a young adult I held in all the negativity and blocked out all the positive thoughts. This held me down and scared me from trying new things and exploring my world.
This is the year where I started something new in my life, (something pretty geeky from my point of view) but saying positive words about myself to myself slowly shoved out the negative. I picked up my guitar again and started to play more often because I love to play and even though I used to and still sometimes compare myself to others I don’t downgrade my own skill.
Self-identity is a long path to who you really want to be, I was holding myself back and pushing myself down by having comments flood my head that weren’t necessarily true, but by also letting in the positive I started to grow and learn more about myself. I also went back to hobbies I was too ashamed of to continue. I’m learning and growing and still on the path to finding my own personal self-identity.